Sucker-Uppers

Everybody has them...in the workplace, house of worship; women have been known to use them effectively.  Sometimes you hate the very sight of them. Hate to be in the same room with them.  Can't stand to see them coming. Then, again, sometimes you wonder how on earth did you get by without them. 

I don't think that I've ever had a job where there has not been someone who "sucked up; brown-nosed; toadied; buttered-up; boot-licked; kowtowed."  You get the picture.  So it should be no surprise that my work family has its share of those "despised" persons. But there is one who just takes the cake. In a position of authority, this woman has alienated the entire work staff.  Knows everything.  Dips into everything--her business, your business, it doesn't matter.  Having a conversation?  She's listening and interjecting.  Now, listening in on another conversation is a fine art form. The first rule is:  Keep your mouth shut.  You are not a part of the conversation. Upper management in the store?  Be assured that she is everywhere, doing everything.  So industrious.  And then there are my two brothers who are slackers in every sense of the word but long-time employees.  Why would they go to her with their medical problems?  Need help filling out the forms.  Idiots. They reminded me of a  letter received at the NGS, when South Africa was doing away with apartheid.  The writer wrote that the Black Africans were like children and needed to be taken care of.  They were incapable of doing for themselves, yada yada.  Here we are, in 2010, and my brothers are STILL using that mentality to get what they want.  What is rightfully theirs.  AAARGH!

But there are sucker-uppers and then there are sucker-uppers.  Sometimes they can be quite useful. When they work. Women know what I'm talking about.  Those foundation undergarments used to help you shrink a size or smooth out a bump so that you can get into something that you really want to wear.  Forget dieting, exercise, foregoing that extra dessert, roll, etc.  You need to get into that outfit...NOW!
So here's the laugh of the day.  Got an invite to attend a holiday gathering.  You know that I'm excited! Three years of exile and finally a chance to meet and greet. "How dressy?"  The answer determines what is coming out of the closet.  Holiday dressy.  Okay, here's a dressy pants suit that will fill the bill...little bit of glitz...just enough to be festive.  Tried on the slacks. Still fitting.  Until we get to the part where you have to fasten them.  Major problem.  Where did all of this mid-section come from?  OMG!  What's a girl going to do?  Get a sucker-upper, of course! 'Cause I am not buying an outfit.

Wally sells a few so I won't have to drive a million miles to get one.  Got two sizes in the basket. Stopped the apparel manager to get her opinion on which size would get the job done.    Rushed home; ripped off the tags; and the struggle began.  Getting the damned thing on was the first hassle.  Pull and tug; pull a little more. Now it's on and the fight to get it fastened is underway. 1st hook; 2nd hook; 3rd hook; not making the 4th and 5th.  And, all this girth is now b-u-l-g-i-n-g over the top.  Good grief!  Well, there's an overblouse, so maybe it won't look so bad.  Try on the pants.  Looking good.  Except they still won't close.  See these are fitted slacks. No elastic anywhere.  Zip and fasten.  And they are not fastening.  DAMN!

Back to the closet.  Okay, here are choices 2 and 3.  Both will work but I really wanted to wear choice #1. DAMN! Don't you just hate it? Looks like those promises of riding the bike and doing the crunches are now a necessity.

Gifts to JR are in the mail.  Maybe they'll get there before Christmas morning.  For the grown folks, yours will be there next week. Be Safe.  Be Blessed.